Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
