While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I look better un-naked...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
