Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
