he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
