Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize