You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
