I bet he comes in French.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
