new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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