who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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