I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
