Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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