Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
