I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
