I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
