Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
