There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
