Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
