She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
