I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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