You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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