actually, I'm a sock model
I wish I could teleport
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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