he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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