All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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