You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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