he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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