I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
