I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
