I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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