My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize