): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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