hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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