She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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