I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
