Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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