How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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