So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
