I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
