Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
