I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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