and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
