if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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