Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
