My nipple is on Facebook.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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