the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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