She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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