I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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