what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
