im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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