dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
