his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
