You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
