I've blown a few things in my day
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
