i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
