Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
