my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize