whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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