I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
