just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
