wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
