Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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