So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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