somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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