why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
