Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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