your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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