I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
