"it" just moved
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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