Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize