ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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