Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
