My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You can't just leave with hair like that
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
