i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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