I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
im on a boat
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