OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
