I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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