she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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