Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
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