There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
