hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
