You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize