its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize