I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
