I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
