State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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