are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
