how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
