i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
