the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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