just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
