goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
