i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
