Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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