I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize