end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
