he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
