hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
