Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
