tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
