new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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