I just saw a hot homeless man
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
